All Life Insurance Tips - Need to kick daughter out of house but how?

Need to kick daughter out of house but how?

My 22 year old daughter who has had multiple problems her whole life including ADD, eating disorders, drinking problems, mild borderline has pushed us to the limit and we are thinking it is time to tell her to move out. Since she got out of high school she has flunked many courses at school and is on academic probation and is not going to college anymore. Bounced from job to job and now only works part time for $8.50 and hour. We gave her a car and she has not taken care of it and is now staying out until 5 am on a work night drinking and acting irresponsible. I took away the car because I am paying for it and paying for the insurance and she is driving drunk. But then she doesnt have a way to get to work. If we kick her out she wont have anywhere to go and wont have a car. She is basically a very sweet girl and looks very clean cut and is nice to people - but she is horribly immature, self-destructive and lazy and at this rate will never get anywhere. Counseling is a no - she wont go. We have gone for us. She wont go back to college. No interest and she flunks everything. She thinks she will find a good job without college that will support her but worth the costs of even living with a roommate she will be strapped. My husband and I are sick and tired of living with this crap and we need some peace in our home. There is no other relatives for her to live with either. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH YOUR IMMATURE ADULT CHILD???

Public Comments

sign her up for the navy, or army. or rehab.
I think tough love is the way--only way to go with her. You've already taken away her car, and with good reason. The only way she'll possibly turn her life around is when she finally hits rock bottom, and won't have mommy and daddy to bail her out. I don't know if you've tried firm ultimatums with her, but I think you will have to give her a strict and final warning/opportunity to get her sh** together before throwing her out.
My aunt went through the same thing with her son - she finally did kick him out (although it turned nasty and the police had to be called) He did some couch surfing for a while, but eventually found a cheap apartment. He has more sober days now then he did before - granted, they aren't all sober, but he is working on it. People, by their very nature, are resourceful, but won't try to be if they don't need to be. She will be fine, but she needs a kick into reality.
I would tell her that you are sick and tired of what she is doing and that you want her gone...she should have thought about this before she started doing what she is doing.
I would honestly tell her about her behavior. Tell her that since shes not improved, turned down all opportunities you given her and been rude that shes got to. If you go with her to rent a house, shop for furniture and things she might warm to the idea. Good luck. x
Sounds like she needs a job on a ranch / farm out in the middle of nowhere, out of the reach of bad influences. Perhaps peace corps or something.
Tough Love... worked for me. It sounds cold, I know... but I was her. Now I am a college graduate who has been supporting herself for over 10 years. I make over $50K annually and support my husband as well. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind... one day she will thank you.
it sounds as if you have done all you can for your daughter. I would give her a time frame to give her a chance to save money for her move. if that time rolls around and she is not prepared to go __oh well. She might need to experience the consequences of her actions without the safety net of mom and dad. It will be hard but in the end it will be better for her. Pray for her and let her go- the prodigal will return with a better appreciation of mom and dad! God Bless
my cusin is 39 and his mother still pays for his living expenses. he lives off of our family. the four of us own the house he lives in, he doesnt pay rent and basically i pay 200 dollars a month for mortgage for him to live there for free. i would kick him out but 3 other people pay on that mortgage too and they dont have the heart to make him get off his ass. personally i believe that the only way for people to grow up is if they're on their own. she may never grow up until you kick her out. the bird cant learn to fly unless the mother pushes her out of the nest. i wont ever let my child be that disrespectful to me. right now your letting her step all over you. do whats best for her. kick her out.
Start with being mature parents! Which should have happened a long time ago. First figure out that you brought this on yourselves by enabling your daughter. Get to Alonon Meetings & listen how others have had to develope tough love. Take her to the homeless shelter, telling her she has 90 days to get it together or her things will be left here & new locks will be put on the doors. And then follow through... Invite her back to your home for Holiday's, Birthday's, & Special Occasions - ONLY! Your daughter is a reflection of her parents. Spoiling the child through out the first 18 yrs, gets you what??? - Just what you got!
Your story sounds so familiar. I also have a 22 year old, with similar problems. I kicked her out, then let her back in several times. She finally got pregnant, and had a baby in February. This straightened her out, and she's doing well now. It takes a lot of strength to kick your child out of your house, even if you know it's the right thing. You have to weigh all the factors - are there other children in the house? Is she costing you money (more than the usual expenses)? Is she making any progress toward independence? I think kicking her out is good, but only if you can stand firm and insist that she accomplish certain goals before she comes back. But, as parents, it's so hard to see your child suffering. I'd suggest helping her to find cheap, safe housing, like the YWCA. Tell her what she needs to do in order to come home, and keep very much involved. You're not abandoning her, you're trying to help her to become a successful adult.
Un-feather the nest.
Good for you for kicking her out. Tell her she has three months to find a full time job and leave. And if she refuses to leave in that time, you will take her to court. And do it! Don't take this crap from your daughter.
I think you should set a time frame, a few months maybe, and set an exact date she needs to be out of the house. That way she can save up some money to make it on her own-- I'm sure you don't want her to crash and burn. As for the car, it's not hard to figure out a bus schedule and plenty of working people older than her ride transit every day. Sure, she might end up sleeping on her friend's couch at the end of her deadline but at least she'll be out of your hair and you'll have given her a fair chance. Good luck
Diana, When did these changes begin for her? When did she start acting out? Was it all of a sudden or gradual? First you need to ask yourself. If you kick her out now and she ends up in a worse situation, how will you feel? Do you think you have done everything that needs to be done? Give her an ultimatum. She can get into family counseling or you are changing the locks. Give her 24 hours to think about it and let her know you're serious. If she says she won't go to counseling, change the locks. Please make sure you feel like you have given it your all because you will hate yourself if you get a phone call one day from the police and you have a body to id. She is totally out of control but if her own mother won't help her. No one ever will. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
I wasn't into all of that bad stuff, but my dad and I did not get along and when I turned 18, he packed my car full of my belongings and told me to have fun. I made it on my own, and we are fine now. I needed it. I went out on my own, got a job, kept up on my bills, met my husband... I am now 24, happily married with 2 kids and have never once had to ask my dad for money. I am grateful to him for what he did - - sure it was extreme, and his reasons behind doing it were odd (his wife at the time did not like me) but looking back I realize that it was the best thing for me. So many kids and young adults today are being given so much! YOU pay for the car? YOU pay for the insurance? What the heck is going on? She is 22!!! When I wanted a car, my dad matched the money I had - and I was in charge of insurance, gas, oil changes etc.... and I was 16 at the time! Your daughter probably got to this extreme because of how spoiled she has been for so long. You meant well, I am sure... but giving kids everything is not the way to prepare them for the real world. It is time for you to put her on the right track. I think you should sign the car over to her (hopefully you own it outright) - tell her that you will help her get established... give her a set amount of money (don't give it to her... tell her what it is, and then YOU pay for certain things; deposits and such, out of that money). Help her apply for assistance - food stamps... that will wake her butt up real quick.... and then LET HER GO. She needs this!
I gave my son 30 days notice. It broke my heart but I stuck to it. He later thanked me and is doing well now.