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Brutal honesty needed! What would be the best choice for her -- have a baby or not?

Let's say a girl is 26 yrs old, a responsible law abiding "goody two shoes", and has wanted kids for a few years now since the miscarriage she had at age 23. The girl earned her Bachelors degree 3-4 yrs ago. The girl was working full-time as an assistant office manager. It was a job that had a lot of impressive responsibilities, and it paid enough to cover costs of living, although the pay wasn't exactly huge...about $29K/yr. She recently got laid off but is receiving unemployment + still working at a parttime waitressing job she's held on the side for extra money/back-up. Her unemployment + waitressing job provides enough money to pay the bills and still have extra spending money and some for savings too. Financially she is sound. She has very good credit and always pays bills ahead of time. She has 0 revolving debt and she paid off her car loan 3.5yrs ahead of schedule. The only debt she has is a $100/mo student loan at a fixed 3% interest rate. The girl has been living on her own(away from home) for several years now. She rents a 1bd apartment(although she might move to a place that's bigger and cheaper soon). She is really hoping to land a new, better paying job sometime soon so that she can qualify to buy a house in the next year or two. She is law-abiding, straight edge, nonpartying. She rarely stays up past midnight, let alone parties! She is one of those "been there, done that" people that experimented and got in trouble when she was younger but is well past that. She has been in a committed relationship with a very sweet guy for 6-12 months now. Her boyfriend is a Christian, in his late 30s, has a very good career, owns a house, and is an all-around good catch. His only big flaw is that he's "like a wall", not very open to discuss what he wants long-term in a relationship. Although she lives in a city of a.holes(her city was literally voted #1 rudest city in a recent survey lol), she has a few close friends she can trust. Her direct family lives about an hour away but they're compassionate and supportive of her. She has a few uncles and grandparents that live 10-20 mins away. She is overall in good health, STD free, and has an individual health insurance PPO. She is pro-life, at least for her own self. She constantly tells her friends that she wants to start having kids before she hits 30. However, she has a huge inferiority complex stemming from the time she was pregnant at 23 and many people tried to talk her into having an abortion. She wants more than anything to have people see her as a responsible, capable, accomplished adult...at times she cares too much what people think of her. She gets jealous and resentful every time she sees pregnant people that are younger and/or less responsible than her getting the support + congrats from people that she never received when she herself was pregnant. She is already pro-life for moral reasons, but peoples' discouragement of her has made her even MORE adamant to not get an abortion, partly to prove them wrong(but that's far from the only reason she'd want kids). If this girl unexpectantly got pregnant, would "this need an abortion", or is it likely she'd be a capable mother? Okay people, the girl I described wants to have a baby before she's 30, so that's why all the hypothetical pregnancy questions are being asked. Just wondering if you think her "pregnant before 30" ambitions are a good idea or not. Slickmickeygal, her waitressing earnings aren't too terrible. She makes (on average) $400/week from two waitressing shifts...not the best wages to raise a kid on, but she also has an extra $350/week unemployment for the next 6 months. She also has savings. Again, not the best financial situation, but not exactly deficient either.

Public Comments

1. okay what is with the "imagine", what would you do questions?an hour ago, you asked us to imagine we were prolife and NOT pregnant but considering it and someone said to have an abortion.. can we just ask a real question please.. these seem silly just to "make up" sorry not to sound rude.. is there any truth to this? if not why ask it if this so said person wants to have a kid before they are 30.. which this person i am taking it is you, why does the word abortion have to come in to play at all! if she wants a baby and gets pregnant.. simple.. have the baby.. if not then dont get pregnant til you are ready.. trying to say well if this person gets pregnant should she kill it is just dumb and honestly i dont get it.. if this person is so steller then have a darn kid.. no one can tell you when its a good time or if your ready.. you decide that.. so stop with the hypothetical stuff and just ask a straight question! plus your asking in a parenting and pregnancy section.. what do you think people here are going to say!
2. Not sure the essay was entirely necessary. You're not talking about a pedigree pet. Is she pregnant? If the answer is yes than in my opinion she should have the baby. If she's not, then she should wait before the relationship is steadier and the finances are in place before she gets pregnant.
3. If she was irresponsible enough to get pregnant before marriage, I would say she didn't deserve to have a baby, but there is no way any child should ever be murdered before birth just because his or her mother is immature.
4. I don't think she would 'need an abortion' if she got pregnant, but being a decent human being does not necessarily make you a good mother. Nor does being young and irresbonsible when you get pregnant make you a bad mother. And yes, while it is better to have your finances in order before you have a child that also has nothing to do with your parenting skills. I know people who are great parents but are financially inept and I know people who are very stable who are parentally inept. The only thing that has to do with parenting is WHO you ARE not HOW you ACT. It has nothing to do with money.
5. I don't think there is any reason for her to have an abortion if she got pregnant. There are a lot of younger less responsible people out there that are having kids. Just on this website there are 13-18 year olds getting pregnant and some of them wanting to get pregnant. She is also at the age where she only has so much time left to have a baby. Yes she is only 26 but if she wants more than one she needs to start thinking about this. She should talk it over with her boyfriend though. If he is not a person to talk about long term then that is a road block for her. She might not want to try and have a kid with him if he wont even talk about their relationship together. But I think that she sounds responsible enough to have a baby:)
6. she seems stable enough to make the decision to have a child. especially if she feels strongly that she wants kids, the abortion isnt really a choice for her. i personally wouldnt think that her relationship with her guy is a very stable one yet (6 months and kids? come on) but really, you dont need a guy and if he splits, so be it, she can still be a great mom on her own. i dont think right NOW would be a good time, being that waitressing is hard enough without being pregnant (and really not that great of pay) and unemployment will run out, so does she have enough saved up for if it does and she's about to have the baby? but, if she's secure financially for the what-ifs, then that shouldnt be an issue either. --- i'm going to substitute you for her for this half cause i'm sick and its easier for me to figure out haha --- taking the unemployment out of the equation (because its just not going to be there in 9 months when a baby would be if you were to get pregnant today) $1200 (an average of course) a month just isnt a lot. its more than i got at the resturant i worked for - (can i take that job please?) but just remember that you have to worry about food (yours and the baby's cause not everyone can breast feed), drs visits, clothing, diapers, prenatel stuff, (rent?), insurance even... just make sure to ask is it enough, can you get by without killing yourself? having a baby is hard work and you dont need extra stress of not being able to get what you need, ya know? but if you think its all good and you can make it (you know your financial situation better than anyone) then i think you're in a good place to make the decision for yourself. and remember that everything is harder after a baby - you're tired, you're preoccupied with their well being - is your place enough for the both of you right now? cause you might not have the time or energy or money to look for a new one later. best bet is to make a list of all the pros and cons of where you are now and where you might be 1 year from now, with or without a baby, and see what your best choices are from there. good luck with whatever you decide. you seem like a pretty stable person who can make a smart decision given all the info *hugs*
7. Really don't care for the resume, You need to do what is right for you, just because your responsible doesn't make you a good mother or a bad one. Obviously there is a problem here though, because you have to ask this question. Also the partner needs to be aware. Also get off the high horse and this proving ground, for acceptance. You say in your wall of text your independence etc , but you don't act like it with the choices you having to ask about. Someone who knows they are a good person doesn't have to preach about it, they just do it with out asking permission.
8. the way that you describe this girl , she has a good head on her shoulders and knows how to take care of herself and seems very responsible .I think that she has proven herself and would be a very capable mother and never get an abortion.
9. I have to say this is an odd question. And I wonder if the person writing the question is the girl in the question. So if you are the same person. Don't let people bring you down. Its obvious you have a good head on your shoulders. You take care of yourself and your bills so why wouldn't you be a good mother? Why would you get an abortion if you so badly want children? If you are pregnant and got an abortion would you still consider yourself responsible going against your beliefs? Would you be able to live with yourself? If you aren't pregnant are you sure you want your boyfriend to be the dad? I have two kids so I can relate. When I got pregnant with my first I was told to put it up for adoption. Um no!! The baby passed away. If you are pregnant and need support I will be your support. People are stupid and they are more then likely just jealous of you. So you just follow your heart. You will be ok. You are strong!!!
10. This "girl" is a woman. She supports herself. She is an adult. Why would people be telling her she should get an abortion. I was married at 22 and had my kids when I was 24 and 28. I think it is best to be married before you have kids. But not everyone believes that. You are talking as if this girl is 15. She isn't a kid,she is an adult. If she wants to have a baby, then that is between her and her boyfriend. Who cares what others think?
11. With due respect, I think YOU are this girl. You describe all the things "this girl" thinks, feels, and had done as though you are her. It is okay to admit. Might "this girl", already be pregnant? If not what's the worry? If not, a girl should not consider getting pregnant for the wrong reasons,or not have it be a joint decision between the father as well. That would be selfish and sneaky. It is much healthier and happier for a child to have both parents in his life, as a family. Single motherhood is common today because most relationships don't last but isn't easy or optimal. Financially, child care and socially are all more difficult without a partner. Abortion is a personal choice, but hardly something you want to consider unless it is necessary. The girl sounds intelligent and should not consider motherhood till she is stable and knows what she really wants out of life. What's the rush?
12. looks like she has everything straight! does she have a house? or an apartment>? I think that if she has everything stable then she could go for it?