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Job vacancy: Mom/Mama//Mother. Anyone?

POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mother JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Public Comments

1. Hey, that's My job! (Mum x 3 for 34 years)
2. Funny and well-written. Submit it to a parenting magazine and make a little money off of it!
3. yup that would be my first job. much better than my second job of housing pregnant teens. all though I like doing that to because they are like my kids too.
4. I've got that job thanks and as far as I'm concerned the fringe benefits outway the bad points. The sudden hug or 'I love you' outways the slammed door and ' everyone does it' that is hurled. So there is no vacancy in our house.
5. Just what I needed today! I currently have that "job" plus another full time job! You must send this to a magazine for reprint!
6. RIGHT this is where you get your own back, one day THEY!!! will have babes of their own and you will be called upon for baby sitting duties this is where your the coolest nana ever you know the bestest games, the funniest songs you know them the ones that really get on someones nerves, they`ll be " oh but nana says" and "nana does this" It`s great and when the little ones say "I`m not bad am I nana"? YOU can now say " Oh your mum was far worse than you dear" as you can guess been there done that it`s soooooo good! ha ha love
7. that is really cute. can i have a copy of it so i can put it in my kids letter cause due to illness my kid might need a replace mom.
8. I feel like I need to call my mother right now to it to parenting magazine, I bet it would land u some kind of prize. I can't stop laughing @ Must be willing to be hated, until someone needs 5 bucks ..so true..lol.
9. Cute
10. I did that job for years. Im now back on the sports run with the second coming.