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I just don't know what to do anymore?

When i met my husband he was amazing. The sweetest guy you would ever meet. Our first fight we got into he cried. He looked at me like there was no one else in the room. When he looked at me his eyes literally lit up. Not only was he super nice he was so cute. I thought i found the one. We got along so well. He knew how to make me laugh harder then i ever laughed before in my life. I felt so warm and comfurtable in his arms. When we were dating I felt like the luckiest woman alive. I met my prince charming. I met the great guy. All of my other boyfriends were ass whole after ass whole. So after a year and I still had those butterflies in my stomach when i saw him. When my heart would melt when he held my hand. And what a gentlemen he even would open the door for me. I truly felt special. No man has ever made me feel that way. The day i said i do was the most magical day of my life. and then in my head the fairy tale would end happily ever after................ Fast forward 4 years. And here i am a stay at home mom. I love it. There is nothing like being there when your child wakes up for breakfast. Seeing every first she has ever done. And being able to put her to bed at night. My husband is the bread winner in our family. And i am the bread maker so to speak. Well for the last year i feel as though our marriage is crumbling. I cry a lot. I don't feel special anymore. That glimmer in his eye is gone. Even when i get all dressed up curl my hair. He doesn't say I look beautiful. He doesn't even look at me twice. when i talk to him about it, it just gets worse. We argue a lot. I don't know what i feel for him anymore. I just feel depressed myself. And he has called me some names that stick with me. I have really low self esteem now. So it would be nice to even get a second look, or get a hey you look pretty. Even a woman with high self esteem still needs someone to care. When i cry he knows. He doesn't comfort me. If one day i don't do the dishes he will say god what the hell did you do all day. I feel i only get attention when he wants to have sex. And then after wards its back to the same old same old. I don't tell anyone what is going on. I want people to think we have a great relationship. I hide the tears and the hurt and i cover it up with a smile. No one really knows what is going on with me. I used to be a fun, out going, smiley person and all i want to do now is crawl in a ball and cry and cry. but i don't. I pretend like the fun happy person is still there and i go on with my life. On his birthday last year i took a sexy picture of myself to spice up our marriage. And gave it to him. His words and i quote. This is weird. And i said why is it weird. And he is like i don't know. you just normally don't do things like this. And i was like well here. And he says what do you want me to do with it? And i said Don't worry i will rip it up. So i took the picture from him. He didn't say no, Stop. Nothing he handed it to me. And i ripped it up. The old him would of been turned on. Most men would think that'd be a really hot present to get. He said this is weird. Boy that made me feel wonderful. I don't want to live this way the rest of my life. I think about leaving him. But then reality kicks in and i realize i have nothing. I have a daughter and two cats. He works the money is his. All of our furniture everything his. Even the clothes on my back he bought. The house i am living in he is paying for. The car i drive. He bought. Even the health insurance we have is from his work. So i tell my self it will get better. Just stick it out a little longer and it doesn't So tonight i say something to him. I tell him how i am feeling. Because it has been really bad lately. He basically blew me off. And then i said what is going to happen to me? And he said what are you talking about. I said when it's all said and done what is going to happen to me. And he's like shut up i am not leaving you. and i said i never said you were. And then he is like well whatever. I have just been really stressed lately. Get over it. Your pretty you should know that. And i said well i don't. And he rolled his eyes at me. And said something like well we both been stressed out and people eat when there stressed. And pointed to his belly. So i said i don't eat when i am stressed. So now your calling me fat. And he said we both gained some weight. WTF! So now i realize i am not getting through to him and he isn't listening or really taking to heart what i have to say. So i went and sat on the couch. My phone rings. It's my dad. And again i am pretending to be the happiest women alive. And in the background my husband is calling me names. And mocking everything i just said to him about how he has been treating me. And then said i better get comfortable on the couch because that is where i will be sleeping tonight. So i got up and put my coat, hat, mittens on. And i walked out. I went for a walk around my whole town. I walked for 2 hours When i camed back in my house. He was asleep in the bed. With out a care in the world. What if something would of happened to me. It's winter out for god sakes you think he would be up waiting so we could talk. Or at least waiting to make sure i am home. Nope he was passed out on our bed with out a care in the world. I am no longer speical. I no longer feel like the luckiest woman alive. I don't know what to do. Advice?

Public Comments

1. first off get the idea that the money is only his because he works outside of the home. You do twice as much work, if not more than he does, raising your daughter. you need to look long and hard at your relationship. Your daughter will grow up seeing how he treats you and it will eventually be the way he treats her as well and when she grows up and gets married it will most likely be to the same type of man because that will be what she expects men to be like. You deserve to be treated with respect and he apparently is not the one to be doing that.
2. You know, that's a really depressing story. Seriously, I feel really bad for you. I don't know what to tell you to do, I really don't have good advice, but I hope things turn out better for you and I can at least learn from your husbands mistakes and promise myself to never stop loving whoever I end up with. I really hope it ends up working out between you two.
3. wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. Thats too long but I bet just writing it made you feel better
5. Your focus is too much on him and what he thinks of you. It's like you need his approval and in reality you don't. Take the focus off of him and focus on yourself do some inner work on you. Once you get yourself together a bit speak calmly to your husband and see if he will consider counseling for both of you to get your marriage back on track.
6. No matter how financially dependent you are with this man, it's still not worth your tears and pain. You deserve so much better and you've tried working through it, I know exactly how you feel since I was in a similar relationship where I felt great but he just turned into a huge jerk! This guy obviously feels no remorse for what he's done and doesn't sound like he cares about your feelings, you know being the breadwinner doesn't mean he's relieved of all duties, he still needs to be there for you and treat you the way you deserve, if you really feel fed up and think that it's not getting better but worse I would say leave, go live with a family member like your dad or mom or sister or aunt and take your baby with you. You do not have to suffer through this anymore, just start building your life over. DON'T FEEL STUCK, there is always a way. Best of LUCK!
7. sounds just like my husband only we have been married for 5 months. we have a baby on the way in about less than 6 weeks and im scared that with the baby its only going to make everything worse. we fight constantly . i ve never fought with anyone like this before. like i do with him. im over weight so he tells me that he is not intrested in sex with me anymore. then at night he gets all horny and wants to have sex and i feel like im being used because everything just goes back to the way it was the day before constant fighting. he would rather watch some girl shake her ass on youtube then have sex withme. i never used to be fat i used to be skinny but when we were datin he always told me i was beautiful then we started fighting i thought it would get better. but it didnt. he stopped saying i was beautiful so i let myself go and gained 70+ pounds. i know thats alot. now that im pregnant he is always calling me fat and names. i dont get it with men. then really dont give a shit if we were to leave and something were to happen to us. i guess us women are the only ones who care.
8. wow umm i don't know what to say. i'm sorry. you guys both seem really stressed. being a mom is hard work and you are doing a good job even if your husband doesn't say anything. you should get a sitter one night and have dinner. go through your wedding pictures with him. Don't get upset and tell him you don't want him to either. have a list of what's wrong with you and the reasons for it, make sure its solid. Have ways you would want to fix it. don't go doing crazy stuff like running away its not worth it, it prolly made him upset even if he didn't show it. This is coming from someone whose parents seem like you and your man. it made me really upset to see mine not get along and hear how my mom is not appreciated but i can see that my dad loves and cares for her (there still married). Maybe you should have a night dedicated to just the 2 of you. Do something together. You are living to very different lives, he works outside the house all day long prolly dealing with people and wants to relax when he gets home and on the other hand you have been baby talking all day long and want an intellectual connection with your love. Communication is the key as corny as it sounds. Be strong. Good Luck.
9. i have no advice. but if it helps any, i cried reading this. what i was reading was my life, as if that walk you took was a walk right into my living room...
10. dang. well he couldnt chase after you because of the baby right!? he sounds like he really may be stressed, is that possible? is he just not communicating? sometimes i think spouses get in such a routine they just fall out of the habit of treating their spouses like they used too. he sounds like he still loves you to me for some reason i dunno. i think husbands dont realize when you stay home w/ the kids how important your relationship and interaction becomes. i think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is work on ur self esteem and confidence somehow. engage in something that makes you feel wanted and important maybe helping others somehow.
11. There's a saying out there that no one can make you happy like you. You need to find something that will make you happy BESIDES your husband and your child. Before being a mom, I was in a high pressure job and loved every minute of it. I worked through losing a set of twins, the birth of a healthy baby girl and the loss of my first husband. I quit working when my daughter was 7 months old because I couldn't handled everything. I love being an at home mom. I remarried a year later, had another child within 8 months and another in 2 more years. With all those children, our husband and I seemed to drift apart. I got into Girl Scouts as a leader when my girls were old enough to join. When our son was 4, I got hired at his preschool. That was in 1993, and I'm still there today as director. My point is, I was in charge of my happiness, not him. I loved being a Girl Scout leader for about 5 years, I served as our swimclub's treasurer for 2 years, and I've been coloring and playing with playdough for 13 years! I am still with the same man and we rediscovered each other when I got happy with me. We now have 3 grown kids and a beautiful granddaughter. The one thing I do take issue with in your question, is the fact that there is name-calling going on. That is unacceptable in any situation. Very childish and immature. Good luck and do your own thing!!!!
12. If your not happy you should leave the marriage, there's no reason to hold to a marriage where your not happy. Even if you end up leaving he will still have to provide health care for your daughter as well as child support. I'm assuming your daughter will start school soon? If that's the case I would wait until she starts school that way you can get your self a part time while shes away from school. The car he bought, see that as a pay check for taking care of everything around the house, giving him a daughter and raising her as well as putting up with his shitty attitude. I still don't see why he didn't try to catch you or didn't go out looking for you to see if your okay. I don't want to mean to the men but I think most men get to be ass hole right after they marry you and have you secure and thinking your never going to just walk out of them they sometimes takes us for granted.
13. If he pays for everything he can pay for your lawyer too. If you can though, it would be nice if you could both go to counseling. Unfortunately, it sounds as though he is in denial that there is a problem on his end. Calling you names and belittling you is considered mental and emotional abuse. Tell him to knock it off. In the meantime, document everything and see a good attorney.
14. I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I do not have a perfect solution for you, but if he is treating you bad, I highly suggest you leave. Two things could happen: 1) he could realize what he's about to lose and really straighten out or 2) you leave him and meet someone better. Either way it's a win situation. The only one who will lose is your child. It's never a good situation for a child to grow up in a "broken" home, but it is worse for a child to grow up in a home where his or her mother is treated poorly. A little boy will learn from that situation it is ok to treat women that way; a little girl will learn that type of behavior for a man is acceptable. But, if your husband is reaching the name calling and mocking stage in a relationship, it's time to fix things. There is no reason for any person to have to put up with that. If you want to know the truth, my husband and I went through something similar in that we drifted apart and we started treating each other poorly. I decided to leave; I got my own place and we split. Eventually he realized his faults (and I realized my own) and we got back together. We are still together and have been living together for the past 18 months. To this day, marriage is not easy. But, in order for a marriage to work, it is absolutely true that BOTH people have to want it and BOTH people have to be willing to work at it. If you don't have that, you don't have a marriage worth saving. I suggest you take a serious look at your life and your options. If you want to save your marriage, suggest counseling. If he is not receptive to it, consider separating. Can you stay with your parents? There is not clear cut answer from our (the readers) perspective because we do not know all the details. Only you can decide what is best for you and your family. But please, do not stay in a relationship like that. It's not good for you, your husband, or your child. Good luck.
15. I don't know you at all but if I base an opinion by what you wrote, I certainly don't like the way you're being treated. Yes, it's all hearsay when I only have your side of it, however, I still don't like what I read. You need to talk with someone. And I don't necessarily mean a professional. You must have a really good friend who will listen and not judge or jump to conclusions. Is your husband jealous of the relationship you have with your child? You seem to show your husband plenty of attention so if it's true that he doesn't reciprocate then maybe he wants out but just won't say it. Wow. There's just so much to this but I'll add one more thing - if I was still married and she went out under those circumstances, I'd get worried. This winter is nasty all over the world so it probably is notsogreat in your area. By the way, until you prove otherwise - you are very special! And there are things known as spousal support and child support.
16. Hai Felix, You are undergoing a very critical situation in your life. Its horrible to feel like this. dont ever think that it is done or over. There may be a spark again in ur life. May be ur hus is stressed over his work. OR something very bad that he is facing that he doesnt wnt u to know since he feels that would hurt u. Just think why has he changed? Are you the same like before. Has he ever told you about ur changes? Just think over again and again. And what u do is right. Dont let ur parents or anyone very close to you know about this. IT would just hurt ur parents and a chance for others to mock. But it is always good to share with ur personal very caring friend.Or else it would be suffocating. I would suggest you to take up a job for the sake of relaxation. You wont get the time to think of all this. And may be you too will understand what is stress. You too will feel tired after work and the household activities, that will lead you to a similar situation. MAy be you too will not have the time to talk sweetly to him as before. But does that mean that u dont love him? I think u should understand him more. Just comfort him after he comes from work, prepare him his favorite dishes and all praises for what he does for you....You should understand that there are wives in this world who neither get their husbands love, nor their caring, money, dresses, etc.....but still live for them. I know it is hard for you to cope up with this situation, but you can. And above all, do PRAY FOR HIM TO YOUR GOD ALMIGHTY. There definitely will be changes to ur life. I have sincerely answerd for u. If you feel good, jsut reply. Thanks ur friend in need.
17. wow that is a really though situation, in some ways i can relate to you. I have been married four years, I am a stay at home mom. I think you guys should really go to marriage counseling to try to save whats left of your marriage. It sounds like your husband is destroying who you are as a person. You always must put yourself first and if he taking so much from you emotionally that you no longer no who you are it might be time to call it quits. But my first suggestion would be counseling there probably something deeper going on with him and there is a lack of communication.