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It seems like nothings ever going to happen and its out of our control?

My husband and I have been together nearly 5 years, have a 18 month old son, and we got married last november. Our everyday life has been difficult the last six months. We live in Christchurch, NZ, where we have had four major earthquakes and our main city is destroyed. Our home, and our families and loved ones are all safe thankfully, and we are all trying to move forward. Its hard, there are still aftershocks going on and we all live in fear that there is going to be another big quake. We had plans, prior to all of this, to move to the USA once his greencard is approved, to be with his family for a while and to make some more money and come back to NZ to get a bigger house and raise our family here. I have lived here my whole life, born and raised, and always wanted to raise my family here. Now, everything is just so uncertain :( The rebuild for our city is going to take years, and there are still risks that there will be further earthquakes which will delay the rebuild even further. We are going through the final paperwork for the greencard now, but the trouble is we cant go anywhere until the damage to our house is repaired and we can either sell it or rent it out. And we need to wait for our insurance/eqc payouts to be able to do the repairs. Contractors here are backed up for work for 6-12 months, they are still doing emergency repairs. Thankfully we dont have alot of damage to our homes, although we lost alot of our contents, but the house was mine before we met, I purchased the house using inheritance from my parents who passed away a long time ago, and if I can I want to be able to keep it, but rent it out to family who needs it when we go. Im in a job that i hate, i took it when I lost my previous job as a result of the first major earthquake, but im still there because we need the income, our son is in part time day care and he is very well settled with his carers and we dont want to upset his routine as far as that goes...there are alot of jobs going here but with our main city district being closed and so many businesses having to close down as a result of the earthquakes its really hard to get a job here at all - I know that as much as I hate the job Im doing I am lucky to have it. my husband is getting frustrated, he just wants to go to the USA, work and be able to make the money for us to be able to buy our family home. We have a strong marriage, we love each other to pieces and absolutely adore our son. We cant wait to have another baby, and dont want to leave the age gap too wide between the two, but certainly arent planning # 2 right now with all thats going on and all the uncertainty. Why does life have to be so hard? I lost both my parents at a young age, Ive been through alot in my 30 odd years and now these earthquakes, with the fear of more happening. It just feels like there is a light somewhere but its a long , long way down the track. Any tips to help pull someone out of a bit of a down time and try to feel a bit more positive about things? :(

Public Comments

1. What was the question? I'm kinda feeling sorry for your husband, having to listen to your unorganized babbling.
2. Hang in there, if things are at its worst now...it can only get better. If all works well when your husbands green card comes, maybe you should consider shifting to the states. If you stay in NZ, there is always a chance that an earthquake will come again.
3. It is a fantasy to believe that other people have better lives. As a matter of fact, there are many who have far more difficult lives than yours (try being a woman in Africa, having to walk 2 miles every day just to bring heavy jugs of water back to your hut, while your children swell up from malnutrition, sicken and die before your eyes ... talk about being stuck in a job they hate). You are so very fortunate. You have owned a house (even though the earthquake did a job on it, there will be extractable equity in the end). You have a husband you love, and a strong marriage. You have a healthy child. You seem to be in good health and not disabled or dying of cancer. You are SO lucky!!!!!! Here's a tip. What we think is usually a habit, and a habit that we have created. These thoughts create our emotional reality. You have obviously created a habit of feeling sorry for yourself. So the next time you become aware of this feeling, remind yourself that no emotion lasts longer than 90 seconds from initial neurochemical release into the brain until the reabsorption and the cessation of that emotion. No emotion lasts longer than 90 seconds ... unless you keep on feeding it. Why do you keep on feeding emotions and thoughts (that give rise to emotions) that will only make you feel unhappy? The Native Americans have a story about two wolves sitting outside a teepee door. One is a good wolf. One is a bad wolf. Which one will live? The one that gets fed. Be careful what you feed yourself. I am not unsympathetic to the plight of those affected by the earthquake ... but my word, girl, you don't need any more sympathy or pity ... you have waaayyyy too much of it already, for yourself. P.S. - running the "storyline" over and over in your head is feeding the feeling. Just writing out your piece for this question was a strong reinforcement for your habit. You will have to drop the poor-me storyline. It will be very resistant for a while ... for at least two weeks,and it may even get stronger when you first try to stop it (this is called the "extinction response") ... so you'll have to stay on top of it.
4. Its tough all over the world right now, be it earthquakes, disasters or financial collapses and economic deppressions. Everyone's life is uncertain, hun, can you give me some reassurance I think all the worlds people are being hit on all sides, your not alone that is all I can say keep firm and positive that you guys are strong enough to weather the tide, but before you go to the states, check out where your going and find out about their local economy for work because unemployment HAS risen over there and the economy is dire. Don't go in on an illusion of the American dream right now no nation is a dream thanks to this financial collapse and it may be a long time before things get better.
5. Hang IN there. Look at the Positive things in life..... and Celebrate them.